Ritual

So I have this ritual.  Every year, the night before one of my children's birthdays, I end up tucking them into bed while I sob.  This was something that my mom used to do.  This was something that I used to think my mom was crazy for.  

There is just something so emotional about tucking your child in for bed at one age and them awaking the next morning a year older.  Last night I sobbed while I tucked Zoe into bed.  Eight-years-old seems so old.  Older then seven or any other year prior.  Tucking her into bed at seven-years-old, knowing that she would wake up eight-years-old, was about all I could handle at 11:00 p.m. last night. 

As a child this ritual always seems so ridiculously crazy to me.  I would roll my eyes at my mom every year and tell her I would be the exact same Rachel the next morning when I awoke a year older.  Now that I am a mom myself, I totally get it.  Yes, as my children grow they are the same kid,but they change and learn so much in 365 days.  In 365 days they just get that much more independent.  In 365 days they need you less than they did 365 days prior.  And although this is an amazing thing, it is also a bit heartbreaking.  

Last night as I kissed Zoe and said goodnight to my seven-year-old I cried because I reflected back on the night before she was born, the night before I became "mom".  Whoa. I had no idea what life had in store for me.  I had no idea how amazing being a parent could be.  I reflected on bringing my baby Zoe home for the hospital, how we had to wait over two weeks to bring our baby home.  I reflected on what a miracle she is.  I thought about my abundance of love for her and how I hope as an adult she understands how much I love her. 

After she wiped my eyes and told me she would always be my baby (yes, she really said that), I walked into my room for Paul to wipe my eyes.  As he was comforting his emotional bride, this came flying out of his mouth, "she is halfway to driving a car."  Yup, lost it all over again right there.  

Last night was rough for this mama, but today was filled with joy.  Presents, pancakes, a walk in the park, ice cream, cuddles, giggles, and wishes for her new year.  After she blew out her candle she told us about her wishes.  She wished for a good First Communion, thanked God for her family, thanked God that we have money so she could have a birthday,wished that my aunt Denise would remain cancer free, and her great-grandpa Fruth would get better.  She amazes me every day.  

Maybe someday she won't think her emotional mom is such a nut.  Today I hugged my mom a little bit tighter.  After all of these years, I get it now. Being a parent will bring you the biggest emotional highs and some crazy emotional growing pains.  Thanks to my own mom for loving me so much...I will always be your baby.  

4 hours old

Visiting our Zoe in the NICU

1st Birthday

2nd Birthday

3rd Birthday

4th Birthday

5th Birthday

6th Birthday

7th Birthday

Tea Party Birthday Bash Photos to come...

Weekend-O-Dance

This weekend marked the celebration of the 11th annual Weekend-O-Dance.  Weekend-O-Dance is when all my best college dance friends come to town for a weekend of girl nonsense.  It is the one time a year that we are all in the same state together.  It is a weekend of reminiscing, catching up, dining, cocktailing, dancing, and laughing until our sides hurt.  Did I mention lack of sleep?  Yeah, there is that, too!  


This all started with my first year on the MSUM Dragon Dance team 12 years ago.  It used to be a weekend of dance practices and a dance competition at the Mall of America.  It has now turned into a yearly reunion with some of the best ladies I have ever met.  


I have suffered blood, sweat and tears with these girls.  Together we have achieved goals we never thought possible.  They have been there for me in the best and worst of times.  They have been my coach, teammate, roommate, classmate, bridesmaid, best friends, and so much more.  


They are some of the strongest, smartest, funniest, craziest, and kindest people I know.  I love them and am so happy that although so much time has past, and we live all over the United States, we always reserve one weekend a year for each other.  


Until next year, ladies.  This is for you...

1st Ever Weekend-O-Dance - 2002

Dragon Dance Team - 2003

 Dragon Dance Team - 2004

Meeting Zoe For The First Time

Dragon Dance Team - 2005 

Weekend-O-Dancing At My Wedding - 2005

Dragon Dance Team - 2006 

11th in the Nation!  

Dragon Dance Team- 2007 

9th in the Nation!

Summer Weekend-O-Dance - 2008

Special Edition: Farewell, Laura, Weekend-O-Dance - 2009 

Pregnant Weekend-O-Dance - 2010 (with "Larry")

Summer Weekend-O-Dance - 2010

Weekend-O-Dance - 2011

And a few shots from the most recent Weekend-O-Dance 2012

At the UofM's Best of the Best Dance Show

Welcome to the crew, Sara and Ashley!  

Us at the MOA competition  

That is a LOT of my favorite people in one photo :)  

Where it all began all those years back.  

I hope my girls meet friends and have

 experiences like this someday.  

New Year's Eve - Past and Present

Ahhh, the New Year.  A time to reflect on our past and focus on the goals of our present.  A fresh page in our book of life. I am a sucker for the New Year.  I create goals, lists, journal entries...  Nerd alert!  

One goal of mine this year is to return to blogging.  I know I have never been consistent.  And I am not quite sure why I even keep a blog.  It's not to have random people following me.  It's not in hopes for a book deal (obviously).  It's not because I have a ton of time on my hands to fill.  Mostly, I think, I do it because it is an easy way to capture snapshot moments of my life to pass onto others that are really important in my life, like my lil' Izzy girls.  Maybe someday they will learn something from my ramblings.  

This New Year's Eve I reflected on some of my New Year's Eve bashes from the past:

The high school years.  Where your mom lets you have

a sleepover, complete with grape juice wine. 

The college years.  Where the bar was the place.

Where you couldn't wait to kiss your boyfriend

at midnight.

The late 20s.  Where a dive bar is the place.  

The kind of dive where you can meet a

character like this.  Sorry, Kate!  

And 2012.  The year of - I'm 30, have two kids, 

and can hardly stay awake past 10.

The year that brought surprises like these...

First cousin sleepover at our house.  Complete

with Sir Beckam in a glitter cowboy hat.

11:30 p.m. snow angels.  

And a Happy New Year snowman.  

No matter what "stage" I was in, New Year's Eve has always been just right.  Each year so different and full of surprises - just like the new year ahead of us.  

May the best of your 2011 be your worst in 2012.  Here is to a year of health, happiness, and love.